Accidental Career Suicide: the hot new trend sweeping the internet

I worked with a girl who sent an email to an office of almost two-hundred people about sneaking out early to go shopping with a friend. Any time I hear of someone losing a job, I always ask if it was a Homicide or a Suicide. Career Limiting Manoeuvres (CLMs) cuts somewhere in between. Whether you're blowing your nose in your food on film or putting fairy photos of yourself on Facbook after telling the boss you're sick, Darwin has a list for you.

I love the number of self-destructive people who step to the plate and CLM themselves right out of their job on Twitter or Facebook. According to a research poll, over 60% of 12 - 24 year olds think their friends' postings could damage their reputations, while 48% are sure they're embarassing themselves with their own postings. In an earlier post I warned about the damage the all-seeing, all-knowing internet can do. Then I found this article on iconoculture about Facebook Remorse. You think people would think twice about posting self-destructive info online. Wrong. Whether it's a snarky comment or a half-nude photo, the internet will remember.

I recently read that four out of five recruiters run web search to screen job applicants. Same goes for college recruiters. Same goes for dating. Oops. Resume Bear did a dead simple search for different CLMs and here is an excerpt (the rest are found here, enjoy).

Here are a few things you needs to know:

- always think before you send

- just because you deleted a tweet doesn't mean it doesn't get picked up by search engine indexing

- simple messaging on internet forums and threads are also picked up by google

- your privacy settings may not keep friends of friends from seeing your facebook activity

- people don't know how to take screen captures off flickr

- sometimes things you say on blogs can only be deleted by the owner

- know that sarcasm doesn't translate into the printed word

And if worst comes to worst, be creative about it. When New England Patriots cheerleader Caitlin Davis was fired for a facebook photo of her drawing dongs and swastikas all over a drunk guy at a party, her legal defense became: "the kid in the picture was a 'drunk guy who passed out and was written on,' as his costume for the night."

Personal Failure: Pull your Head out of the Oven, it's only your Dreams that Died

Today I'm going to have to break a man's heart. Today he's going to open my email and yell "NO NO NO NO NO" at the top of his lungs for the rest of the week.

Many years ago, my friend Jan invented the Tauntaun Sleeping Bag. It started as a joke on cold winter mornings that he'd gladly slit a Tauntaun belly and climb inside for warmth. If you're unfamiliar with the backstory, in the second Star Wars movie, Luke and Han play Marco Polo on an ice planet, Luke gets punched by the Abominable Snowman, they get locked out over night, and Han keeps Luke warm inside a giant dead donkey-raptor hybrid called a Tauntaun. People loved that joke, and he shared it often.

Announcing, the Tauntaun Sleeping Bag.

This thing comes complete will saddle, intestines, embroidered head pillow, 100% polyester, machine washable and even has a glowing light sabre zipper to illustrate how you slice open the belly to gain entry. It's actually an April Fool's joke, but since Jan wasn't first to market, his claim and dreams are now null and void. I could tell him how sad I was when I saw this less ambitious version of my more luxurious All Day Duvet idea come to life, but that would be cold comfort.

Today he will have to retire his joke, and his dreams. So how will he, or any of us, deal with this level of personal failure and heartbreak? The only way to deal with failure is the oven thing I described earlier, or learn from it and move on. Cold comfort you say? Here are even chillier tips that only you can choose to use, when you're ready of course. Much like an alcoholic, you can't be helped till you're ready to be helped.

Close your oven door

First thing is the crushing pain of defeat. Pain becomes fear, fear becomes hate, hate becomes evil. Of course you're going to feel sorry for yourself. This leads to self-righteousness, which leads to sadness, which leads to boredom. Hate me later, but you have to pull up your bootstraps and struggle. Life without struggle is boredom, and boredom isn't really a life.

Misery loves company

I won't lie and say it's wasteful to mope. Moping is natural and therapeutic and if that's where you're at, I suggest moping as part of a group. Purging your negative feelings is more productive in a group setting and peer feedback is a faster road to recovery than withdrawing into yourself.

Let's point some fingers!

Actually, let's get some perspective is what I meant. At some point you have to stop laying blame, try to be mature and hypothesize a reason it didn't work. It keeps the rage in check and helps you sleep better. If you go on ten job interviews and nothing happens, ask yourself questions like "had there already been a hundred equally good candidates interviewed for the job"; not "why do I suck so bad".

Let's examine our tracks and see if they end with a rebel sleeping in our stomach

If at first you don't succeed does it make sense to try, try again in the exact same way? Or does it sound better to tweak something about your approach and try again. Did you know Edison failed almost ten-thousand times before his light bulb finally worked? Ten thousand times! What an a-hole, right? Wrong. Edison changed his strategy almost ten-thousand times before he found on what worked. Whether it's an invention or an interview, trade your time for opportunity. You certainly have nothing to lose.

Help me (insert name here), you are my only hope

You'll probably have died of hunger before your ten-thousandth interview, so if you're going to suffer, don't do it alone. Fact is, your judgement and objectivity are impaired. Ask people you respect to examine your failure. It's the wiki logic that suggests someone with no prior knowledge of a problem is the best one to offer a solution. My friend from this previous article once pointed out something hanging from my nose. I was a little put off till he asked if I'd rather have not known. That booger changed my life.

Wash that Tauntaun stink off you

Whether you're waking hung over or covered in donkey-raptor intestinal fluid, the bottom line is you need to brush yourself off and get back in the game. Nothing says more about a person than how they deal with failure. I'm failing to think of a fantastic end to this article, but I'm okay with that, and I'll move on.

Blog vs. Portolio: admire my work, and enjoy the enlarged genitals

Building a personal brand and using a machine to humanize you? A blog, as well as your portfolio? My portfolio is the greatest thing in the world. It showcases my experience, increases genital size and cures diabetes, but that doesn't automatically entitle me to a flood of return traffic and new business.

A portfolio is stagnant, lazy, and unadored. A blog, on the other hand, can be interesting, personalized, and compelling. It's the perfect tool to fill the interest gap, and the hoped-for side effect is peripheral interest in your work after admiring your carefully crafted thoughts, then comes love, then comes marriage.

It's a silent interview

Human psychology 101: it's harder to hate people you know than random strangers. You want the world at large to love you, and you want that love to translate into increased business. But unless you're the Caligula of cold calling, you're not going to be meeting people and you're not going to be making great contacts. Your blog is a museum of you, and it's open twenty-four hours. Show off your abilities by sharing your knowledge. Show your value by having the maturity to put it all out there for the world to enjoy.

you're waiting for people to reach you, and a blog is the perfect place for you to create a museum of you, to share your knowledge and show your abilities. In short, it's the pre-interview you.

Getting to know you

As an Art Director and Graphic Designer, I could drive a car through an Adobe seminar and I'd still have 99.99998% of the competition able-bodied and hacking at that same pie (they're out there, while I'm in prison). A potential client has a lot of choice when it comes to making a hire, and without the benefit of a living conversation to add substance to your name, you're a ghost. A simple portfolio can't tell them what you might have in common; there's no chance to be impressed by your opinions and mindsets, to enjoy your wacky experiences or to relate to you on a more personal level. All of this can translate into the trust and confidence that might see you with a new business card.

I know, it's a big ass crowd

The theory bouncing around is that as more people recognize your name through social networking (blog, twitter, facebook, flickr, linkedin, etc) the more leads and referrals to follow. Don't automatically hang your hat on this nail. It's a big web out there. There's a better idea...

Give away your cow's milk

Create your blog, and focus your writing on what you know best, then squeeze. Honesty reads, and the need to feel like every other blog out there is not the most satisfying past-time. Write what you know, as long as it's unique and credible. It may seem counter-intuitive to spill your guts to the world and share valuable revelations and experiential tips for free, but if you believe in karma or wiki-spiritualism, you'll end up benefiting long-term from relationship building, networking with your peers, and increased business.