Conspiracy: Is there an Acrobati?

Throughout history, symbols have been imbued with archetypal energies that bond spirit and matter. These symbols are expressed in a sacred geometry. The ancients took these formulas and hid them, making us believe them to be evil so they could use them to control us. This allowed an early guild of brick layers, or Masons to build the great pyramids and ...

Uh, I mean, you ever notice how needy Adobe Acrobat is? If it was a girl, I would have broken up with it by now.

Adobe Acrobat is a piece of software that needs more memory than the original moon launch. It can take whole minutes to start up. This raises questions. What's it doing with all my RAM, and why does it want to be updated every second day, and why can't it be updated without restarting everything I own. And why is it twice as much (not really) for Europeans?

Adobe needs to be more honest about what they're doing with my computer. In school we met up with a student who'd blown his whole internship by not being honest. In his first week, they asked if he'd ever heard of Torontosauraus. Trying to sound knowledgeable and indispensible, he stepped up to the plate with a big positive grin. They wanted to name a roller coaster on Toronto's Centre Island after the monster and needed the back story on any previous claim no the name, so off he went. It took him five-and-a-half out of his six weeks to find an early 1900's newspaper clipping about two winos who saw a tire bobbing in the lake and dubbed it Torontosaurus. His lesson to us: if you don't know, don't lie, just ask.

Now back to Acrobat.



Step through the looking glass with me here. Back in the day, the masons and the illuminati attempted an intellectual overthrow of the great Monarchs of Europe, but was supposedly destroyed by the Bavarian Government's Secular Edict in 1785. 208 years later the Shoemaker/Levy comet was destroyed on impact with Jupiter. That same year, Adobe unleashed Acrobat 1.0. Wait, a black van just pulled up outside my house. A couple of